As a wife/mother/human there is a pull to be everything and everywhere all at once; an impossible feat. A constant choosing between the myriad of responsibilities vying for my attention; always missing one for the other. Impossible. Yet, somehow we do. We go with what needs our attention the most in the moment, and trust the world won't fall apart. It rarely, if ever, actually does. But I do think the stress of trying to hold and balance it all takes a toll.
After the birth of my third child in 2009, I experienced extreme post partum anxiety. I blame hormones, a crumbling marriage, financial troubles, and years of trying to hold it all together as the catalyst. My internal landscape was a wreck and my body could not process it all. I would wake up in an immediate state of fight or flight every morning, and that went on for months. Why am I sharing this? Because I am certain I am not alone. Anxiety, burnout, and overwhelm are real and cause real and lasting changes to occur on a cellular level. What helped me get through one of the darkest periods of my life? Anxiety meds, an insane amount of therapy, and a robust self-care routine (obviously it didn't play out as tidy or linear as this sounds and there were countless other supports that came into play over the years, but I digress).
My life now, looks nothing like it did. I went through a divorce, moved homes more than once, changed jobs more times than I care to admit, and am now remarried to my dearest Ben. I had to learn how to surrender to the constant Both/And that is this life. A daily practice for sure. I think that it is in the surrender where we can find grace, peace, clarity, and joy amidst the daily circumstances we find ourselves in.
If you need permission like I did to start making yourself a priority, you have it. You are worthy, loved, and held. The world won't fall apart. Give yourself grace...you are becoming.
As always, writing from my heart and in flow with what my soul wants to share.